Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Why I Hate Self Scan Checkouts

Yes I love the idea of popping through quickly with the four items I've selected. Why not? I'm feeling devil may care...

It's only a tin of spaghetti, ham, tomatoes, and an air freshener. How much harm can it do (cue Miss Marple music...)

Ooops no I don't like the way this scan thing won't recongise my item.Have I picked a dodgy one?
Beep at long last.
Ah yes. It's gone through now. Only three more items to go. Grin.

Eyebrows waggle. It doesn't like the ham either - it's refusing to read my barcode. Should I go buy them some Mr Sheen? Should I squirt before I scan?

Yes. It's gone through. But. Hold breath.It says it's not in the bag.
It's there. Honestly. Ham present and correct.
No I do not wish to have to  argue with a machine that tells me I have not placed my boiled ham in the bagging area (it's in there, I can see it - stop, stop, stop!) Everyone gather round, and bear witness to my ham!!!

A 'Seek Assistance' alert flashes. Are they going to bring on a straight jacket? The invisible ham squad?

Yes. Here comes dedicated smiley lady. I smile hopefully and explain.

The ham's there (see, pointing now, see). I only pressed the 'don't want to bag it' button as a last resort to shift the not in there screen. Should I then remove the ham? It scanned already!!! Is it up to tricks to vex me?

She says it's my fault for pressing the button. She thinks I am strange.
I stare at my ham. It's still there.
Does she not believe my ham was blissfully ignored? Is it Bermuda Triangle ham?

She scans her special scanner talisman and excuses me like a madlady.

No stop! Said to small toddler by my not put your fingers on the bagging area! It causes impending doom...oh no. Here she comes again to give me a row about the tomatoes.She's glaring, shall I throw one at her?

I explain at length = toddler was bored and unduly tempted by the eye level curly wurly. In her defence toddler is losing the will to live much as I am. If the wine aisle was nearer I would be grabbing everything and scanning as I glug.

In summation it would have been quicker to stand in a very long queue for a checkout lady who talked like a budgie and crept at the speed of a sloth!

At last. Four items bagged. A proverbial feast! Finish button pressed. Payment inserted.

Again I almost forget to look in the 'strange place' they dispense the notes from. I already lost a fiver that way. Is it a ploy (hmmm rubs chin?)

Schoolgirl looks at me producing an unnoticed creme egg (yes, it's October but this is a Halloween creme egg for unwary parent pester manipulation and max enumbers consumption). Sorry mum, says schoolgirl, but I cannot possibly leave this consumer hell without it!!!!

I groan. I prepare for doom. I beep it (it works this time) and pay the money.I then scuttle away tearing out the door and vowing to avoid self service forever after.

But maybe...
I'll go back and buy an ironing board. In the hope the bagging area won't recognise that and I can point and laugh. Then again, maybe I won't. They'll say I pressed the wrong button again.

Annoyed Shopper. Having A Rant.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Nay, nay and thrice nay! there I was, using self timer on the camera trying to get a photo of myself for (cough) author purposes. Don't laff.

Have I mentioned the fact I hate having my pic taken?

Have I mentioned that when it comes to cameras I am the female equivalent of Mr Bean? (I set flash, it turns into deep dark get the picture). Unfortunately I never do!

So after nearly an hour of click, click I gave up in a fume and decided to take pictures of Diva Tot instead.

Would she oblige with a smile? No! The picture says it all.

Then ping I take one of both of us and it's the best pic I've taken in years...only I canny use it. Because it has my teensy in it too!

Oh the trials.
Must now enlist a very patient and camera-savvy friend...sigh! Maybe I'll have to hire a stunt double!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Blogging At Embrace Books

I've been blogging over at Embrace Books. It's lovely over there...the perfect place to indulge a few romantic fantasies...

So if you've a chance pop over and leave a comment, I'll love you forever.

There's info about the inspirations behind Nanny Behaving Badly. Plus, and most importantly, there's links to pictures of hot men.

I'd throw in free bubbly if I could...or would you rather have a latte and a florentine? Make up your mind on the way over, the air is laced with cake and coffee! Go here!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Gasp! It's My Cover!

Just received this dazzler by email.

Ooooooooooooooo! Cover Artist Nicola Martinez has done a fabulous job for cheeky firefighter Rod and sparky librarian Flick's story - Flirting With The Fireman. I'm grinning because it's a kiss cover, with a fire hydrant!

And I love it. Huge thanks to The Wild Rose Press.

Wanna buy it? Sorry. Not quite yet...but soon.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Bad Girl

Very excited to report that there's a blurb for Nanny Behaving Badly now on the Embrace Books website. Read it here. I'm just a little bit excited especially now that Nanny is polished and bedazzled and desperate to get up to stuff that'll raise eyebrows and set tongues wagging...She's a bit naughty in case you hadn't guessed.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Strange But True

Isn't Feedjit fascinating?

I can't help but notice I get lots of international visitors (especially from the USA) for certain archived posts in particular. These are...drum roll please...

Men In Kilts: Because I'm Worth It


Porridge Baths (from when I had itchy skin in pregnancy).

I've also had interest in my Crimplene Gusset posts.

Perhaps I should be writing a romance novel with a kilt-swishing porridge mogul hero with a thing on the quiet for crimplene unmentionables? Hmmm...rubs chin.

P.S. Mr Beefy above looks like he might fit on all counts.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Still Truckin'

I'm feeling a bit better this week. Still a bit stiff and have to take it slower, but better is better. So naturally the first thing I had to do was whizz by the New Voices website and vote on some super duper snazzy entries! Yay to all who've entered or are still planning to. Reading and voting is rather addictive and great fun. Also big bravery medal goes to Marcy who you can find in the warm and cosy section with From One Night To Forever (great chapter!)

While was I recovering, the inspiration fairy came to visit. So...I've lots to do. A new story to crack on with. I get a bit impatient to get it all down when the glittery stuff is in the air. And my revisions are coming along great with more on the way soon.

Plus I've been reading a rather excellent book - Catch Me A Catch. Get your copy here. Big congrats to Embrace and Wild Rose buddy Sally Clements for writing such a brilliant book. I'm very excited to get my cover. Sally's is a peach! And the book is just as scrumptious.

Busy, busy. No time for slacking!

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Simple Things

Isn't it funny, how you try and try and worry and worry and then finally something clicks and you think 'doh'.

Of course I still have to write the 'clicked bit'.

But the idea is there. Pointing its finger accusingly.

Shrugs and shakes head at herself.

I have promised myself that if and when this story is complete, and the shingles are forgiving, I will buy one of those cupcake shaped soaps I've been ooohing over in the gift shop. Might even post a pic. Yes, I'm a woman of very simple needs. Usually focusing on the ritual of bathtime *I don't get out much*.

Sunday, September 05, 2010

Pathos With Pat Benatar

I got the laptop out to work on my book revisions and guess what was lurking in the CD trusty Pat Benatar CD. Yum. It feels like fate.

Because I'm a sad old chick of the eighties this Pat Benatar song was in the charts when I was stuck in a hospital in Belgium nursed by nuns, no word of a lie. A school trip involved being hospitalised. So it's fitting now that I crank it up whilst ill. Back then, it was the only thing I could recognise on Belgian left a mark. A time full of teen angst and longings (my physio was a rather dishy footballer with a hero-worthy smile...yep, you couldn't make it up!) I was about fifteen at the time.

Anyway, here's the things I love about Love Is A Battlefield:
The vid is like a short movie from TrueMovies channel. Kinda cheesy but very satisfying
I love the movie sound effects. Drama, drama
The fashion is both disturbing and great. If I ever go out dressed like that, permission to handcuff me to the fence
I particularly like the dance duel element. Bizarre being the operative word. Reminds me of Strictly, was it a precursor?

So. When will the shingles quit the warfare? I can only hope soon.
Oh and I now have a book title for the bridesmaid book! It's a great one.

Thursday, September 02, 2010


Warning; this is a 'me-centric' post.

It's official. I have shingles. And I did not appreciate until this week how horrid it truly is.

Can't sleep, can't sit. Can't walk without looking like a ministry of funny walks advert. Hmmm. Not good.

I can only describe the sensation as like having an army of invisible elves running up and down your torso with pick axes. Thank heaven for 'fell a horse' painkillers. And thank you for listening to my whinge-fest. I'll go now before I milk it too far but, trust me, complaining is the only thing I'm succeeding at right now. Laters.